you're a mystery yourself

Friday, June 26, 2009

10:39 PM

hm. two quotes that i really like.

mark hart: if you cant say no, then your yes means nothing.

lee wei ling: Never put off till tomorrow something that one can and should do today. there may be no tomorrow.

aw man. i should get out of this i ll do this later mode. and start doing everything i should be doing now. or soon. or at least plan for it to happen. be realistic. plan for a miracle.

SIGH

oh yeah. and i got this cool flip out postcard starring some watercolor pandas. so adorable. and so pretty. and really smart. and jx got like a couple of very good dvds in china. for like 5 plus dollars! so cheap! wahhhh. angels and demons, australia and the likes. so good! i could have really used a nice trip this hols. hm

ok. two minutes of blabbering here goes.

had this awesome fudge cake and avocado milkshake that tastes like mos' milkshake (in texture) so nice =)
and going to see the doctor 2moro. at 830! can i even wake up ><
twitter. is. so. funny. and i just signed up. lalala
i miss nyw.
or more importantly i havent touched my clarinet ever since nyw
and more importantly, i want to. i havent felt that in ages.
2moro's a hectic day again.
doctor, then rush to print, then rush again to church for saint paul the musical.
and then try to arrange schedule
and oh crap i must rmb to tell someone im not coming for the rwinds prac. AGAIN. oh man i really want to go for one prac. darnnnit. i want to touch my clarinet and play again.
lee wei ling is an awesome writer.
reading the newspaper is tiring. but quite interesting after a while. i used to think life and the comics were the only interesting sections.
and i got five more books! amazing ones! cant wait to get down to reading again.
i need a catholic bible. the one on my ipod doesnt count. sigh. i dont want to think abt why we only have christian bibles at home.
and i need to clear up the mess i make everytime. reminder to self.
and another reminder i need to make that post on emmanus website. oh dear
i havent posted since jun11 oh dear
and posted photos too.
and why do i sound so insubstantial?

hm
interesting. my dad told to sit down, clear my thoughts, and then pour out every single random thought that comes into my head. very interesting. like an insight into someone's psyche.
oh well.

&the beauty.

10:19 AM

hm. jason mraz's blog ><
feel like my life's so boring. and selfish

&the beauty.

9:17 AM

how does it feel to end a chapter in your life? like after you've reached the climax and resolution all too soon, how can you put the book down and get on with your daily life? oh dear.

it was a great experience, definitely. and nostalgic. i remembered where i hyperventilated during cadenza, i remembered where we warmed up as a section, i remember the frustration, the irritation, the delight, the worry. and then as i stood there yesterday. idk. for a moment i wished the concert could end. but by the time the concert started, i was enjoying myself. tralala. never felt that before. even cadenza was just numb to me. just very numb. just playing as i should play. but this time, it felt different. the band was different, i didnt even know all of their names. the band was PRO beyond words. (hey and that doesnt meant that i skived.)

and every member had lots of talent, potential and played great. every practice i would feel so zibei, and then i would go home and practice. but sometimes that wasnt enough. i remember one time that the tubas tuned. and i couldnt tell when one tuba came in cuz it was really UNISON. i'll never look at band practices the same way again. maybe what we are missing in rgssb is the drive to perfect ourselves and our skills. or maybe we dont know how to, and at sec 4 we've hit the wall. the cutoff point. maybe.

and the conductor was funny. he's conducted so many illustrous bands, and here he is conducting us. on the workshop thing, idk, i was half very bothered that our practice time was being taken up, and half so amazed that even though the turnup wasnt that good, he still took the time (and was veyr sincere about it) to explain the pieces and everything. yeah it was to our benefit too. so famous, and yet so down to earth, full of life, sincere. =)

is this a full recapitulation of my nyw experiences. nope. i'll keep some closest to my heart. =)

&the beauty.

11:23 AM

i just want to be wanted. is that too much to ask?
i just want my life to be good. and im not even asking for much.
i just want to be noticed. by the people i see around me. somehow, rejection hurts so much, even more than other people would feel.

im not asking to be first. or second or even third. im just asking to be seen, to be wanted, to be welcomed. to have a good time.

i wont ask a lot of the people around. would including me be so painful.

but i will ask a lot of myself. i will live up to my own expectations.

&the beauty.

5:07 PM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8rCYlOHSSIE

the conductor is O.o

Labels: music

&the beauty.

4:46 PM

watching Shining Inheritance now. =)

somehow korean dramas are to me what vodka and liquor are to others. balm. and a sense of escape. until of course the clock on my com tells me to stop. but then again, its an art form. a healthy sort of art form when you actually think deeply about it, instead of watching just for the emotions, to be caught up in a whirlwind of girlish crushes or humour or whatnot. which is why i like dramabeans so much. other than her wonderful screen caps and episode summaries. there's real thought going into reviewing each episode. every nugget unearthed makes people look at the drama in a different way.

and of course, other people are more pro-er in other art forms heh. like art, music, writing. while im so narrow-minded its just korean dramas. plus point for julia, nyw's really lifting her up. but other than that, she's been skimming through her life without much thought eh?

from shining inheritance. rather funny. and amusing. =)

but for all you know, that stepmother is really getting on my nerves. too selfish. but yeah, stock character. i hope she gets more interesting and idk, maybe more depth would serve to flesh her character out. otherwise it wouldn't be much fun seeing all the other characters find out about the truth, where she's been so blatantly lying to them all along, and then give her her due. cuz its not much fun when you think the villian actl deserves all the punishment right?

and eun sung is so great.

AND AND AND... the (gay) guy from jumong. he and (the other guy he likes) were such a cute couple!! and such a cute addition to JUMONG which was a historical drama. i've been trying to look out for his dramas, and then suddenly bam i hit on to this one without knowing. but ah, not too impressed. discounting the eye candy of course. but most of the time its this eyebrow-furrowed-im-trying-to-look-intense look.

hehe. now look at the mess. which somehow resembles my study table. and i sure hope im not as lazy. sigh.

&the beauty.

5:13 PM

jiaxuan seriously has a multitude of blogs, posts, and a diverse array of interest. ONLINE. mannnn its like i never knew a world existed.

and its 5.13, i was supposed to be with my uncle eating durians 13 minutes ago, but my mum's still sleeping. growl.

&the beauty.

5:01 PM

beautiful.
sometimes the sky is an art in itself.

Labels: pretty

&the beauty.

4:34 PM

more thoughts on the now. instead of tomorrow or later or whatever not.

for one thing. my blog lacks pictures. except maybe the one on top. pics or videos, whichever.
and speaking of videos. im heartily tired of making that cadenza dvd. the freakin mac takes ten minutes just to process a request, much less burn it. yeah i know i've been such a relentless hogger, where i have the whole cadenza soundtrack but people dont. but seriously, try sifting through every song in the catalogue. where the pure video of just centurion is 20 plus gb in itself. and see whetehr your comp can take the overload. wonder how those movie makers do it, where the movies are so overloaded with special effects and CG. and poeple just pay 9 bucks to see a project that was worth a couple of years of a person's life. and movie stars who work so little, are paid so much, and take everything for granted.

so. shall change my blog face for a while. remake it. the image.

and its so hard. i dunno why my tongue just ties up whenever i see people in pain, confusion, crying over something they feel deeply inside. whenever i want to comfort them, to let them know im there for them and i'll take your crap and ranting if that makes it feel better. everytime the words are on my mouth, i think over them, hesitate, wonder if it will com out all wrong. so i either wont say it and let others do the job of comforting or say it and it does come out all wrong. maybe its why no one will really lean on me. except my family. cuz they know how weird i am. weirdly though, even my sister can take my craps. cuz i take hers as well. funny how we all keep silent.

off to durian now. cant express how worried i am for all of them. but i wont show. not yet at least. cuz my second aunt is lying on a hospital bed in her home. and i havent done anything. why does regret come often too late. why didnt the regret during the last holidays push me to do something more. so here's a less superficial resolution. i wanna take control of my life and stop taking the people in my life for granted. family are family. there's no way you can escape or push them away. so lean on them, cry and laugh with them, cuz they ain't going away.

new book of the day!! Faces.
and the sins of the fathers shall reverberate though the generations.

one thing i dont like about it. every sentence every character speaks is rude or has the f word in it. but its a literary device, so i shall let that pass eh?
lost in the forest was better than virgin on the small plains. =)
and im currently hooked on to the isavalta trilogy. although i have no idea why the chronologically speaking, the second book is first, the first book is second, and the third book is where its supposed to be.

&the beauty.

12:53 PM

OH NO CRAP

band birthday and bio clashing on the 19th!

&the beauty.

12:36 PM

trying to stick to a new resolution to pen down my thoughts before everything slips away again into oblivion.

hm paparazzi really dont give their victims a break. reporting when a certain person slips out to get a starbucks, or goes shopping where and with whom, or goes to have lunch, or goes to the bookstore to buy what book. tsk. its like documenting every single moment of that person's life. dont they have a life themselves?!

so ah well. i had better do myself justice. instead of living every day waiting for the next, why not remember every day for what it was worth? so that lessons learnt are truly learnt, and memories are remembered.

so philosophical.

i SHOULD find the time to organise all my photos. and post them. i SHOULD be getting down to serious work. i SHOULD be doing all that i said i would be doing this holiday. but all i can think about is clarinet. more clarinet. and then songs. more songs. and then unpack. oh dear. and go to the gym. andandand do math. and read the new book im falling in love with. and eating lunch. right now. and charging my iPod. and waiting for band birthday.

i need a balance between homework and life and enjoying myself.

ok. i SHALL post about the past two weeks. eh.

&the beauty.