you're a mystery yourself

Monday, May 18, 2009

10:23 PM

yeah. supposed to do physics now

but i was just thinking in the car, on the way home, so just jotting down a few things here before i forget them.

alternate world. mannn social studies. hugh jackman/ gossip girl-- aka movies and movie starrrrs and the supposed yeah-lets-go-on-fruday-to-watch-a-movie-but-lets-go-on-wed-instead. then my sudden book craze. life as we knew it and the truth about forever. and korean dramas and what not. mama and her going back to her protestant church. apologetics. i really hope this irons itself out soon with God's grace. if not, its gonna end up like a f2 generation of mendel's pea plants. ratio of 3 versus 1. not very balanced. in fact, taht's a very skewed ratio.

it may not sound coherent, but im just gonna keep it there.
and if i have time 2moro i might come back and really elaborate. hah. this sounds like some lecture notes thing. take down all the important points and go home to lengthen/research.
which is practically what we are doing in bio.

and charmaine keeps pulling out my hair. i still like the sensation of people tying my hair. but oh, not that rough. i swear i lost like 500 strands of hair today.

the thing is, i've got church 2moro again. so blog after church? hopefully =)
somehow i almost always just feel motivated on tuesday. then the rest of the week lapses into a state of ignorance or laziness. oh dear. better kick up the engines. on the brighter side, i still love last week's session. APOLOGETICS! love love love love.

&the beauty.

11:36 PM

so much for it lah.
if it rankles to be a disappointment, then buck up! then that makes the most sense.

and yeah it applies to me too. where has all that positive feeling gone julia g andres? i keep fluctuating like a nice trigo sine graph between the positive and the negative regions of the x axis. yeah, like what someone said, going home and facing the silent unjudgemental four walls of your study room, your thoughts just keep running running running away. and they sometimes dont turn out very nice.
i keep finding small but nevertheless new motivation for band. yeah it looks rather dismal, but hey we've all got each other. and despite the exams and stuff, and the tensions that've been running high, there's a new plateau coming up. no more exams, so away with the stress and more enthusiasm eh? i really hope that comes to pass. band is about the people. and what they do with their time with each other. not just alone, but with each other.

which reminds me. note to self: the section needs more tuning, more tuning, more tuning. and more togetherness. which almost encompasses everything but i shall not try to think about that.

and for 2moro. our class has a nice tendency of always being one person short><
thanks jiaxuan for organising!!!

and haha. i've got lots of photos of us at mos burger. blame shan jee for making us go to mos burger all the time!! and all she does is eat those nuggets! not that i've got a vendetta against mos burger, but going there so many times makes me kinda sick. and i've got a tight budget. 100 dollars more to pay, and i kinda want to get it off my shoulders by this june holidays. its a bit of a stretch, but so long as i dont overspend... well. possible to say the least.

so. lots of mos burger photos. and people keep saying i post unglam pictures so what am i going to do with them? they arent of me anyway. and im a bit too lazy to email it to them. hm. delete?

jia xuan and her arsenal, shan jee and her man u.
i dont get soccer teams and soccer clubs. (they are just men running after a ball!!!) which is admittedly what we do during pe. ><

&the beauty.

7:51 PM

my dad recently blocked a couple of stuff on my computer. apparently i dont spend enough time studying. yeah right.

and im irritated. i cant see my blog now. but i can still log on to the blogger dashboard. i guess the parental control thing isnt so comprehensive after all.

and i dunno. i guess im like jealous of those ppl who have real friends beside them trying to bear the load for them as well. i just try to keep things inside till they really explode. and when it does, im all alone. trying to hide. i guess raw emotions arent very pleasant. and yes, not mature and not considerate at all. even maybe my parents wouldnt understand. i think too much and twist things all up and upside down and inside out and then bottle it up. and smile and look happy at outside things.

but somehow ppl being sad rubs off too. i dunno. i feel so useless. much as i would like to try to be such a stable person, i cant. grah. am i even making sense? i know what i have to do, yet its such a long reach to the top, even if you have role models along the way to help you.

and i wish my parents would just stop fighting. this has been the longest cold war ever. and i keep finding wine glasses in the morning. if my dad's drinking wineeeee. he could just whine abt it to me. im up all night. why does he have to drink. and eat chips. man. i think the depressed members of the family do binge a lot.

and the swine flu. yeah. i know a lot about disappointment. but i dont show my feelings.

actl correction. i dont hide my negative emotions all the time. i have been totally disappointed in myself before when i let my bad temper show in band.am i just asking too much? so setting too high standards?or just i've been too easy on myself and on those people? or i let ppl lead me? funny, how my last year in band is turning so awry. and how i get wrought up in so many emotions all the time. how it isnt the best year of my life where i cant let everything go. when you've got the gold pot, it doesnt look so enticing anymore. sometimes the trip up the rainbow with your friends was so much better.

so well. bottle it up again. laughter's the best medicine.
so come 2moro, if you even read this. you've got friends beside you, ready at your call. at least you've got friends.. and they do care about you. i see so many willing to stay there for you. dont go thru it by yourself.

and we can all be strong together. and things will get better i hope.
and if they dont then well, just rmb the good times. the life as we knew it.

cheer up.

&the beauty.

Julia G Andres
RGS 104 06; 201 07; 314 08 and finally 414 09...
loves her family, friends, clarinet, band, having fun, watching dramas, chilling out, horseriding, eating ben and jerry's etc

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to truly become a Christian and be closer to Our Lord
quality time with family and friends!
for this year 2009 to be a fun and fulfilling one
to achieve everything i've set out to achieve this year

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